Firstly, the Dog Fish Head Palo Santo Marron is a very delicious beer. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.

Last night was a rather loose affair that bore little resemblance to the finely tuned machine that is your infallible Indian Road Café Pub Quiz. I know you're all looking for someone to blame last night on, and so I give you the Dog Fish Head Palo Santo Marron. Did you know that the DFH Palo Santo in addition to being very delicious is also quite high in alcohol?*

From the very beginning, there were oversights and mistakes made. Can you believe there was a round on misheard lyrics that didn't ask you what the term is for misheard lyrics? Props to everyone who knew the term was mondegreen.** I tell you what, that oversight really revved up my deuce. After the first round it's normally customary to have the quiz-teams-roll-call, but that was forgotten. Thank goodness we had a superfluous quizmaster in the house to make sure we adhered to all the customs you've all grown accustomed to without too much customizations. Next we had a round on NYC that lacked any questions on Dick Trickle, even though he once visited the city. Can you believe it? Oh, and don't even get me started about one of our very own quizmasters calling a centipede an insect - I don't care how interested he was that the little thing you control in the arcade game Centipede is supposed to be a garden gnome.

The second half started off with a flawless movie quotes round. I thought maybe we'd be able to pull this thing together. Then we were invaded by SPACE TRIVIA from SPACE. It was a little indulgent, but the most grumbling came after the quizmaster refused to accept negative space as an acceptable equivalent to white space as a term commonly shared between typography, visual arts, and telecommunications. Finally we got to the final round - the Common Bond round. Dr. Jordan took last night's Common Bond round as an opportunity to teach us about the endless varieties of flies in the world. Everyone please be wary of saw flies and bottle flies this weekend.

As much abuse as we doled out throughout the night, I was amazed that we were still alive at the end of the night and announcing final scores. We'd gotten through what will hopefully go down as the sloppiest pub quiz ever. Almost. After announcing the Ecstatic Alphabets as the winners of the $25 gift certificate for the evening, we were approached by the U of I regarding our accounting. They were right - we*** had recorded the wrong score for them on an earlier round. We adjusted the scores, and although the Ecstatic Alphabets did well for the night, the University of Inwood Agent Kate Conlin Memorial Library were true winners last night! Hey, if Dumbledore can change scores at the last minute, why can't we? Take that Slytherin!

All hail University of Inwood Agent Kate Conlin Memorial Library!

I hope we'll see you back next week when the pub quiz will surely be better than last night's. And, when you're there, try the Dog Fish Head Palo Santo Marron.

* - Me neither.

** - Double props to everyone who kept it to themselves.

*** - Ok, it was me.

Since I had the night off from quizmaster duties last night, I thought I'd try something experimental while sitting in your midst. Last night, for the first time ever, the Indian Road Café Pub Quiz was live blogged. Unfortunately, electronics of any kind are expressly forbidden by the rules of the pub quiz, so I had to use pen and paper. The following is a transcript of the live blog. Sorry to anyone who missed it last night.

8:00 Good evening and welcome to our first ever live blog at the IRCPQ. We're currently waiting for the quiz to begin.
8:02 There's a lot of excitement building.
8:06 While we're waiting I'd like to start by apologizing to Brian (now known as Cuban B), who's our guest quizmaster for the night. This recap might not work, but thanks in advance for stepping up to host.
8:10 Dr. Jordan has announced the rules and has just asked the first pint on us question. It's about a dangerous activity banned in Norway.
8:11 Lots of incorrect answers are shouted. He says it involves wrist injuries, and OJ the Imposter (also enjoying a night off) has just shouted "skateboarding" to win a free beer.
8:15 The first round is called "Initially the Same", and we are underway. Did I mention that OJ and I have formed a vacationing quizmasters team for the night, and will be playing along?

answering questions

8:23 The first round is being collected, and Cuban B is sidling up to the microphone.
8:25 Second round is called "Why did the chicken cross Indian Road?" Nice.

answering questions

8:43 We just handed in our answer sheet containing everything you ever wanted to know about chickens but were afraid to ask. We think we did pretty well.
8:45 Dr. Jordan is letting us know how we did on round 1, where all the answers had the same initials, DT, but no mention of fan-favorite Dick Trickle. Five teams were tied and had to compete in a chug-off of Genesee Cream Ale to break the tie. Oh, I get to chug as well.
8:49 I don't know who won the chug-off since I was preoccupied with not spilling it all over myself. Anyway, round 3 is beginning. It's on capital cities.
8:51 The Genny I just "chugged" isn't feeling so good right now.

answering questions

8:57 Dr. Jordan's going through repeats on the capital cities questions. For better or worse, our answers are set. Looks like Cuban B is pouring beers for a tie-breaker round as well.
9:02 Cuban B is going over the answers to the chicken questions. We didn't do as well as we though. The round has an outright winner, but Phil Ryan, last week's truant birthday boy, will be forced to chug to make up for his absence.
9:05 Phil Ryan has been forced to double fist the chug.
9:06 Phil Ryan has transformed into a one-man, two-fisted, beer-chugging, crowd-pleasing spectacle. OJ and I are moved to tears by what we're witnessing.
9:09 Phil Ryan has finished his beer.

halftime

9:25 We're back from halftime and Dr. Jordan has capital city answers. We went 8/10 which I thought was pretty good, but 5 teams went 10/10 so I guess it wasn't. They all knew that Tokyo is the most expensive capital city in the world.
9:26 ROBIN JUST WON A CHUG OFF.
9:27 Cuban B is on the mic with some halftime scores. Random Chaos has the lead with 27 points. Cuban B also has a pint on us, but I'm a little addled right now and I'm not entirely sure what's going on. Also, I've lost my teammate and I'm trying to get psyched for more trivia.
9:30 Round 4 is all about Pie! Yay, pie!
9:31 Uh-oh, Cuban B wants to know the volume of a sphere. It's all about Pi. The anti-math-ites are gonna be restless.

answering questions

9:43 I tried to hit the head after that round, but the line was too long. Dr. Jordan is asking questions about brains, but my brain is still thinking about the bathroom.

answering questions

9:52 Seems like most of these questions are about eating brains.
9:55 Now that my brain has been thoroughly eaten away by the last round, it's time to hear Cuban B's Pie/Pi answers. Hmm, none of those sound like answers I put down. At least everyone else did well.
10:00 They made Phil Ryan chug again, but PJ from Trivialis won it.
10:02 The Common Bond round begins! Cuban B has the attention of the entire room. Our minds are like putty in his quizmasterly hands. The place is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. But, no pin drops. No pin would dare drop.

answering questions

10:04 I've abandoned my team. I'm sure I was going to get the top score on the common bond, but I'd rather not chug anymore beer.
10:15 The Common Bond has been collected. Now we wait. Dr. Jordan is telling us all about zombies and their favorite food. Oh, the outermost part of the brain is called the cortex - not the candy shell.
10:20 Dr. Jordan is now soapboxing for keeping the bar open late on Wednesday nights to accommodate... more soapboxing?
10:30 B is going through the common bond answers. The first three ranks in the Navy are known as seaman. Lots of cheers from the Seaman and Cumming team.
10:31 The common bond is that all the answers are roadways in Manhattan, and six teams went 10/10. There is another chug-off.
10:32 Final Scores for the night... Drum roll please... In third place is Random Chaos. In second place is Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya... Seaman and Cumming. And, in first place for the night, and winners of $25 to the IRC is The Ecstatic Alphabets!
10:33 Dr. Jordan is looking for the closing credits music.
10:34 There it is. We're out!

See you next week!

As Mark Twain once said, "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

But, enough about him. We had a fantastic pub quiz last night, and I'm going to tell you all about it. Our prizes last night were provided by the good people at the Bronx Brewery, so right away we had things on the right track. I am aware of at least two regulars of the quiz that celebrated birthdays this week, though they were both smart enough to avoid the pub quiz.* Finally, this was our last quiz of the month, so at the end of the night we got to award the coveted Quizmaster's Cup to a new team.

We opened the night with a round on Wild Things, including wild rice, wildebeests, and Bill and Ted's Wyld Stallyns.** OJ then did a round on the American Revolution, during which we made all of our visitors from across the pond exit the café. Of course we let our French visitors stick around so we could find out if they knew that Denim comes from the French "de Nîmes".

In the second half of the quiz we brought out the big guns. There was a round on literary animals - did you know Charlotte's last name in Charlotte's Web is Cavatica? Did you even care? We had a wordplay round called Nations of the World with answers like urination, consternation and cross-pollination.*** Finally we got to the common bond round which continued an unsettling trend by being about cats.

When all the dust settled there was only one team atop the nightly standings, and that was Random Chaos. Though, as I said before, this was the last Wednesday of the month, so we had to do a little extra math. Winning for the month of April and earning tickets from AllShows, a custom-made cocktail in their honor, and a month alone with the coveted Quizmaster's Cup was Inwood Nation.

Thanks as always to everyone who has continued to show up to the quiz week after week after week after week. I'm not sure I totally understand it, but it's fantastic. See you next week!

* - Don't worry Phil and Rachel, you'll get yours.

** - Bill and Ted's movie poster tagline: History is about to be rewritten by two guys who can't spell.

*** - Speaking of pollination, I'm thinking of marketing "Evil Mr. Phil's Stamen Tincture: For Those with Microgametophyte Issues".